Pammy's LJ

and love lives forever ♥

2009-10-29T17:38:39Z

watched THIS IS IT w mom this evening in shang
and can i just say

(yes. that was IT.)

it again brought back those weird feelings
emotions that still have no words to contain them
because that is simply how MJ leaves his audience
utterly speechless, dumbfounded and screaming for more

and as sad as it was when his name was flashed on screen
signaling the near end of this amazing experience
it made me realize one thing
(prolly incited by the intro of this production)
MJ's sudden passing was indeed a nightmare for many of us
considering his comeback concert was all set
songs and dances all polished, from his trademark sunglasses to the stage floor
but it also proved a little something we might have missed out in all of this
MJ indeed made an exit only fit for a performer like himself...
SHARING HIMSELF WITH THE WORLD FOR ONE.THE.LAST.TIME
THROUGH THE BIG SCREEN.

so truly, MJ always thought about his fans
and the gazillion others whom he had inspired over the decades
through his music, slick moves and inspiring acts.

Rest In Peace KING OF POP ♥
you will truly never be forgotten
because LOVE LIVES FOREVER. :)

to anyone and everyone has not seen THIS IS IT
catch it while you still can
as it is the closest you can get to seeing the GREATEST PERFORMER EVER WAS IS WILL BE
do not get me wrong...MJ had way better performances in the past
but this is just a sneak peek of the dedicated artist he is
everything done to the letter
PERFECTION AT ITS FINEST
that only MICHAEL JACKSON can give each of us
(a taste of the best...perfection).

when p-p-poker faaace doesnt make me dance anymore

2009-09-06T21:22:18Z

ive been on LJ hiatus far too long
but why is it that my blog return entry
havta be something LIKE THIS?
*insert saaaaaaaaaad face*

when MJ passed away, i was devastated;
watching his old vids made me reminisce on my childhood days
making me realize so many things:
1) media destroyed him. the child molestation cases made everyone forget everything else he did.
2) he was a HUMANITARIAN.
- paving the way for black artists to be shown on mtv
- began the efforts of telling the whole world of the HUNGER PROBS IN AFRICA.
on more recent efforts, check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7baeBy7E-w
3) he is an AMAZING GENIUS. as i clicked link to link in youtube his countless songs, it made me realize
that twas quite impossible to list down my top ten songs and/performances.
he has that rare gift of by studying the greats, he became something greater.
he never stopped learning and constantly pushed himself to become SOMETHING MORE.

not long after the king of pop's sudden demise, twas president cory's time.
i also never got to meet her but mom did...countless times during her pov days w ballsy;
thus my only claim to fame when it came to pres. aquino was that i am
PROUD TO BE A PEOPLE POWER BABY.
funny as i never was interested in politics growing up
but part of my childhood mems include campaigning for lolo jovito (salonga) in '92
showing my support against corruption during EDSA II
volunteering for namfrel w trish during our hs days
staying up until 4am watching the congress hearings [re: hello garci scandal]
(reading the transcript for the countless calls made in these wiretapped convos)
that failed ayala rally trip w shoti, dans and korina
to as simple as TYING A YELLOW RIBBON on my bag and a pin on my shirt.
no, i dont love the Philippines as much as people may think i do
though i also promised I AM NOT LEAVING THE COUNTRY TO LIVE ELSEWHERE
BECAUSE ONLY THIS IS HOME...thanks, pare. :)
but sometimes SHIT LIKE THIS havta happen
to awaken our nationalistic pride and spirit
push us to SPEAK OUR MINDS OUT and PARTICIPATE in current issues.
---> reg and vote this may 14...let yourselves BE COUNTED!
because we cannot keep complaining that our country is down in the dumps
that every politician is the same w the one that came before him/her
that ours is a hopeless situation
UNTIL WE TAKE IT UPON OURSELVES TO DO SOMETHING
as no one will help our motherland but US.
it makes me wonder...
how come some filipinos living elsewhere have more pride in their own land
than the people who are actually living there....
(o
kay, they may not be aware of the situation here. fine.)
so i post this question to anyone who happens to stumble upon this:
~~why cant~~ can we have the same passion we have in helping our country
the same way we become united everytime theres a pacquiao fight in vegas
or the love and support ateneans and la sallians give their schools in uaap bball?

tis difficult to explain why i have this much affection for MJ (or rico yan or francis m)
as theyre people i never met...but i guess, to each his own. they affected me in ways that i cannot explain.
just that, i am thankful for it opened my eyes to things i may know but have long forgotten.

two hits. we must not mourn their deaths but celebrate their lives (no matter how difficult it sometimes is).

lets take a breather. some quotable quotes:

"panira talga ng friendship ang thesis" (domingo, 2009).

"nakakasira ng kabarkadahan ang acads mehn" (joseph, 2009).

thesis is keeeeee-ll-ing me. i appreciate the support. thanks, venni and juano! :)

"no quitting until someone proposes" (alcantara & castillo, 2009).
the best hirit for the night. u guys deserve it. benta talga ito.
good luck. now ill know when someone actually proposes! :))

"NO ONE LIKES A VIRGIN. TEQUILA ANYONE?" - alexander fr. privileged
though i beg to disagree; i heart it nonetheless as i scream "charlieeeeeeeeee!"

and oh, the blue eagles won against th maroons today.
not that im ecstatic about it but daaaaaaaaymn!
shouldve taken that bet shit w migs
as people are amused my undying love and loyalty to the eagles.
if i took up on those bets, i couldve seen EHEADS live last march too c/o jobert.

25 sexiest sportsmen
can i just share
SURFERS and FOOTY [soccer] PLAYERS have the hottest bods
WASHBOARD ABS and SEXY ANKLES, holla holla!
tony parker, ~~kelly slater~~ stephen colletti, talan torriero...david becks!

BSB NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME SMILE.
*teyyyynkyuuuuNICKCARTER*
lufffs nick's unique way of saying "blind".

but wehell...not everything goes your way all the time
much like this supposedly super sweeeeeeeeet weekend
as that cpk = broke lil' me again
but something far WORSE than money matters
because...
because...
because...

PINKY PROMISED.
but daaaaaaaaaaYmn.
i really meant THAT.
dont leave me.
im NOT ready.
we shall COMPLETE THAT PLAN THIS YEAR, YES? :D
but seriously...
PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME.
*insert comment: adik ka*
ayt? ayt? ayt? ayt?
okaaaaaaaaaaaaay?
*insert rep: DEAL!*

better keep that promise, dude.
cos if u dont, ill be the one to keeeeeeeeeeee-ll you.
I MISS U TOO MUCH.
I REALLY HATE YOU FOR...that.
*cries*
forgive me for crying
but u gave your word
THIS ISNT A JOKE.

...
please...
DONT SCARE ME LIKE THAT.
*insert p-p-poker face*

thriller generation

2009-06-26T17:19:53Z

devastated about the passing away of Michael Jackson.
in fact, im still pretty much in shock.

TO THE GREATEST PERFORMER IS WAS AND EVER WILL BE...
for the inspirational lyrics and amazing dance moves,
for revolutionizing music videos in the 80's
and breaking barriers at the height of racial discrimination in the music industry.

R.I.P. King of Pop.
see you in NEVERLAND.

it started w a swiss and/or quiz

2009-06-21T19:19:36Z

from being uberly happy AND HYPER because of lindt's bittersweet choco bar
to boredom and taking a who's your life partner quiz in fezbuk
then finally hitting the sack w a "try wiping off that smile on my face; it'll just go back" mood.
*this deserves a liacomm-slash-miggy smile*

better than bfast in bed...(or even at tiffany's?)
oh no! i take the last one back. ;)
for the SIMPLE JOYS of seeing someone's reaff form filled up
w an active stat and will be cla-ing...
hearts for my dearest, shotiiiiiiii!
i really missed u like effffff! youve been MIA far too long.
cant wait to see u at the tambs again. :)

one large fries fr. maccas for brunch, please!
because i forgot my hunger upon seeing the vid for this
DOES OVERJOYED RING A BELL?
i thought so too; i really did. :)
for im OVERJOYED, OVER LOVED, OVER YOU.
yeah, my eyes havent twinkled like they did this aft.
and tis all BECAUSE OF YOU...
[never giving up, (s)hes the sweetest drug]
*happy pills much? BAM! then i smile.*

because...
1) mOnDaY : i said I CAN LOVE YOU LIKE THAT but you just blew off your chance...
but one day my prince CHARMING will come (rescue me) as i havent forgotten what beat the romeo-juliet kiss. ;)
2) TuEsDaY : cos youll forev be the SWEET CHILD OF MINE and to us being kids at heart!
3) fRiDaY : when it MAKES ME WONDER what i ever saw in you...
as it has been awhile and still the words you say DONT HAVE A MEANING and I HAVE MY REASONS.
4) SaTuRdAy : but whoev said you were OUT OF MY LEAGUE was actually saying that to you! we sooooo DONT MATCH.
and the feeling that im falling further in love makes me shiver but in a good way [still meant for someone else].
5) sUnDaY : when theres a possibility for a CLOSER YOU AND I as i simply cannot forget THAT picture of your smile;
as ive just got that inspiration to get back on my workout routine...yessss!
...because im OVERYJOYED, over loved, over YOU. :)

then count TWO, FIVE...and one last digitz which doesnt anymore exist in my universe. ciao!

thanks for the mem'ries (part two)

2009-06-20T17:13:07Z

And it really makes me wonder
IF I EVER GAVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU
...
'CAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU ANYMORE.
- Makes Me Wonder by Maroon 5
cos seriously...im starting to wonder WHY.
whatta-waste-a-tiiiiiiiime!
[oh yes YOU ARE!]

finally got a new pair of ~~sneaks~~
...erm, cross trainers.
and yes, im ready to go jogging this wednesday.
boooooooo-yeah!
nothing spesh as im flat broke
but good 'nuff to exercise w
blue and gray adidas
because they didnt have a size six of the nike i wanted! :(

bakit ka FC? close pa ba tayo?
you lost that privilege after...
stupid...really stupid move.
or maybe tis cos ure that dense?
daaaaaaaaaYmn! and i thought u were smart. tssss.

and the feeling that i'm falling further in love
makes me shiver but in a good way
...
as the world spins around her laughs,(I) ROLLS (MY) ~~HER~~ EYES
AND I FEEL LIKE IM FALLING BUT ITS NO SURPRISE.
- Out of My League by Stephen Speaks
live for the present, for today cos YESTERDAY IS BUT A MERE MEM"RY OF YOU.

because ive gone from being pissed to sad (for you) to just plain APATHETIC.
this is NOT teen angst; im already 22 after all! :p
just that im DONE W THIS.

stupid or dumb

2009-06-15T15:35:38Z

my logbook entry this aft:
"sometimes you forgive people
just because you want them in your life;"
and there are times when you forgive people
BUT NO LONGER WANT THEM TO BE PART OF YOUR LIFE.
haaaaaaaaaaaar.

i read from somewhere
"fool me once, SHAME ON YOU;
fool me twice, SHAME ON ME."
may taong pinanganak nga lang atang TANGA!
*i love you, pbk!*

lakers wins as this season's champs
booooooooooooooooo-hoo.
as the LA fans celebrate, i drown my "sorrow" w a cheesy hungarian sausage.
congrats to sel, perci, martin, migs, emil, gab and the rest of those yellow-purple supporters.
[but im not buying the percival henry charm still...not anymore.]

but there's no way but up, right?
because despite having such a crappy day
my evening ends greaaaat
as KORINA JUST MADE IT ALL BETTER. :D
thanks, hun. i needed good news like that.

so let's end it on a good note...
I CAN LOVE YOU LIKE THAT. *hearts*

yown!

2009-06-11T15:24:42Z

"When people accuse us of lying,
don’t get too affected
because we know we never lie...
WE JUST DON'T TELL THEM EVERYTHING."

happy weird

2009-06-02T19:05:50Z

is HAPPY WEIRD.
im happy? im weird.

still wants THE SHIRT of one of her crushes. CAN I HAVE IT PLEASE?
i wont tease u anymore about your so-called dancing skills!
seriously. i think itll fit me pretty well. ;) ...and oh, can i have your JACKET too? :p

can ONLY be called "ATE PAM" by GAB and RAP.
how come even norby is calling me that now? fc much? haha! kidding!
but seriously, only shoti and burgis emo can from ictus...and maxi!

has a v popular and HUMBLE [?] shoti who has quite a number of admirers.
okaaaaay, holla all u gurlies who happen to like me shoti!
new rule: u gotta get the approval of achi and analou first or tis "later!" for u. :p
[but gabriel, we are NOT fishes. anong "bingwit" ang sinasabi mo jan!]

...
one of the things my adviser (from way back in elem) told me:
"keep that smile that brightens up people's day."
but lately i find myself not being able to do so
as i used to always make a conscious effort to remind myself of this
because SMILING MAKES ME FEEL A BIT HAPPIER (or should i have used the term "lighter" instead?)
even if i feel a bit weird and STUPID doing it consciously
(even if ure in the cinema, when tis dark and even if tis weeeeeird---which miggy *ateneo high boy* did before cos i told him to smile).
and i have faked so many smiles these days...
for the sake of "so-called happy mem" photos of u w fam and friends at diff events.
(so emba clubbin' night ring a bell?)
...
But for the FIRST TIME in weeks
I AM HAPPY AS CAN BE
FOR SILLY REASONS,
FOR TRIVIAL THINGS,
FOR THE PEOPLE AROUND ME
and SIMPLY BECAUSE I AM...HAPPY. :)

"WHEN YOU ARE LOVED, YOU ARE LOVED. NO REASON IS NEEDED FOR LOVING." :)

dig ;)

2009-05-31T14:09:18Z

when your head says "no"
but your heart tells you to "go"
i say, "whatev".
just take it out on your pillow, a punching bag or the dance floor.

...because like what raf's stat reads:
HAPPINESS IS FOUND IN PHYSICAL EXERCISE.

why im on house arrest now

2009-05-30T19:35:40Z

overnight trip to pangasinan to celeb venni's burdei
then straight to emba when i got back...at around 8pm!

pangasinan was really sweeeeeeeet!
place was tight!
too bad there wasnt hard liquor
or that the boys slept on us
corny boysssssss!
if madi and i didnt decide that we HAD TO drink
even if itll be just us and jules...
but then we figured that was just sad
OH NO! WE WENT TO THE BOYS' TURF TO GET THE PLAYING CARDS! :p
and came back w percival henry instead.
tsssssk. i really wanted to play pusoy dos or K-5-10.
but perci's inuman game was actually fun
UNTIL U BECOME THE VICTIM OF BELOW THE BELT HIRITS!
i still hate you, dan! :))
tis a mix of inuman game meets laglagan time
w "CAN I SHARE?" inserts every now and then.
level-ed up versh continue when we were having beer already
[tanggera time! break muna ako kasi...madi took one for the team.]
w the rest of hearts kada: venni, monsee, reggie.
karma's a bitch, huh perci? tis payback time! thanks to hearts!
we all had fun despite the constant below the belt hirits
as ate ally and jules struggled to sleep w this going on in our room.
until we finished two bottles of red wine and six cans of san mig light
and called a night...erm, twas already 330 in the morn' though.
bfast was nice...then twas time to watch magic-cavs game 5.
then the first batch of people left...
so we had GIRL TALK at the girls' room
until jules and venni came...
chillaxx time...bonding...ipod...whatev.
ate ally bit jules...masakit...halata sa face ni jules. :))
ate ally asking madi questions about venni
while she was bathing and venni pretending not to be there
hilaaaaaaaaaariousssssssss!
jules hiding in the closet to "surprise me"
but it took me forev to finish bathing.
cleeeeeaaaaan up time! our room was a mess yet again.
raining effin' hard...lunch time. :)
couldnt leave cos the other car wasnt there yet...
...and then twas pouring hard when it finally arrived.
left at around 430pm...
looooooong ride...traffic eff...raining...brrrrrrr coldness!
going on 100-120kph at sctex/nlex.
DAyMN! I WANNA LET LOOSE AND DRIIIIIIIIIIIVEEE HERE!
got back in manila...to yen's house at around 8pm.
...
emba time. ewwwwwwwww!
not one bit excited...was just tired. eff.
mcdo fries for dinner...YEY ME! :D
emba was a bit dead...
music was aight...I HAD WAAAAAAY BETTER NIGHTS HERE.
emba-ing without my loft crew and the uste nursing peeps just isnt the sad. miiiiissss u, lufffs!
twas nice to here old school beats though
but it sucked cos failed to play SWEET CHILD OF MINE
the one song that makes me emba trips worth the while.
forev will be a classic rock fan...guns-n-roses = childhood mems!
but twas fun to see rap and gab dance...
though IVE HAD BETTER MEMS OF TWO BOYS DANCING. =))
shiiiiiiiiiiit. i miss seeing THOSE. dang! :p
one was from a few years back
while the other was just a months ago. ;)
catch my drift...to tokyo baaaaaaabyyyyyyy! :D
they also played songs that brought me back
TO THOSE DAYS...thus it sucked cos nana and dink werent there.
*insert p-p-poker faaaaaaaace*
i cant believe the djs didnt play "hey girl (patron tequila)"
and opted for the overplayed party mixes like "low"
BUT REDEEMED THESELVES W BOOM SHAKE DROP of pitbull
which i luffffffffff dancing too! :) tis the best workout song eva!
left around 2am...after seeing the likes of tim yap, joey mead, jm rodriguez.

emba? whatev!
cos id rather paaaaaateeeeei at 5 ipil or
go dancing w miggy at jules' party anytime.
[fb/ym stat: pam WONDERS WHY HER TWO CRUSHES CANT DANCE WELL.]
hahaha! miggy told me to drop my crushes cos hes a better dancer!
i wouldnt drop either but ill emba again if t'were w miggy and my emba party kada!
but seriously...im NOT a fan of emba
because u cant LET LOOSE when ure like sardines in the club!
maybe i went for the mixes? wheres DJ SHORTY??????

and as parting words...
vaffunculo!
im tired of THAT SHIT i get from u.
limits...u dont seem to have that.
or maybe ure just that dense?
oblivious to everythings thats happenening around u?
funny as i thought...yeah, i THOUGHT SO TOO.
whatev...i learned my lesson...n times over so IM DONE.
unfortunately u wouldnt figure that out.
bitch fit much? i say WHATEV!

gab was right.
let HAPPY CRUSHES stay as such
cos sooner or later itll lose tis magic
if u push too far.

porque cuando mi mente se parece vagar
todos debido a usted.
CONFUZO PERO ALEGRE.

thanks for making my weekend.
i enjoyed it...v much. :D
*insert miggy smile*

shake yer head :)

2009-05-27T04:50:08Z

if there is ONE GUY ill ALWAYS LOVE no matter what
(who is not my fam)
thats gotta be YOU
because u proved JUST THAT to me last night. :)

cue: ~~STUCK by stacie orrico~~
OVERJOYED or COLOURBLIND

it wasnt that all my efforts went down the drain again
because i told u i wasnt giving up on this
we will be friends....F4ever.
got that?

rak-en-rol

2009-05-25T16:53:49Z

"madaming hindi ano...not going for us.
una, hindi gwapo nga, hindi pala kailangan magandang lalaki, pwede pa rin
hindi kami, hindi kami magaling tumugtog, pero pwede pala
hindi kami magaling kumanta, pwede rin pala.
lahat yun, legacy...
pero, yung, yung, yung CRAFTSMANSHIP NG KANTA,
YUNG RESPETO SA ART, MERON KAMI NUN.
yun pala yun...
yun song, alam mo yun, yung pagmamahal sa music."
- raimund marasigan on eraserheads days
as seen in i-witness, a GMA7 documentary >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIfOojmZR70&feature=related

gets an adrenaline rush w any eraserheads related thing.

"MABABAW LANG TALAGA ANG LUHA KO."
- Torpedo

"it doesnt really matter where you are
'cause youre LIGHTYEARS AWAY."
- Lightyears

listened to the CUTTERPILLOW album.
new fave songs from the eheads:
- slo mo
- fine time
- nagbago ang lahat
- hey jay (fr. CIRCUS)

ERASERHEADS IS NOT MERELY A BAND BUT THE SOUNDTRACK OF OUR GENERATION.

the TOP TEN DUDES in my life
when i see these dudes in person, i can die already...

1) STEPHEN COLLETTI...just because i melt every time i see him on telly...did i also mention his FOREV TAN LOOK and sizzling A-B-S? who ever said skater dudes are geeky?
2) TALAN TORRIERO...because i can listen to "SOMEWHERE DEAD IN HOLLYWOOD " forev. prof surfer at age 12, star quarterback and plays vball. need i say more?
3) JUSTIN HARTLEY...because twas effin' h-o-t in that ele-va-torrrrrrrrr scene! green arrow is the hottest thing in the justice league. oliver queen and his abs!!!!!
4) BRAD PITT...just because he is brad pitt.
5) George Clooney...hottest grandpa-looking actor.
6) Edward Norton...fight club, american histo x to name a few.
7) ELY BUENDIA...JUST BECAUSE HE IS ely buendia...his sexy arms, that black shirt, his sexy voice, his EVERYTHING!
8) RAIMUND MARASIGAN...because drums has been my frustration since i was in first grade! kuya monnnnnnn, i wanna meet raimund! :((
9) BUDDY ZABALA...because he has wise words to share and just because...tis buddy zabala!
10) MARCUS ADORO...because the eraserheads will also not be the eraserheads without him!

part of what makes UPd the best university to be in is because you know
YOU WENT TO SCHOOL W THE GREATEST OPM BAND THAT WAS IS AND EVER WILL BE...
the ERASERHEADS. :)

pinkypromise16 @ 2009-05-23T08:26:00

2009-05-23T18:36:55Z

edel is making me blush for some stupid reason. :p

i left my heart in san fo

2009-05-20T01:11:07Z

remember i used to heart dudes w the footy bods?
well...david beckham is still hot and all but like uhm...

have you seen STEPHEN COLLETTI????
hes like sooooooooo effin H-O-T
w the forev tan look
and the sizzling surfer bod!

w his signature old school socks
pulled up like he was still in elem
but looking HELLA GNARLY
so yeah, who ever said i didnt like skater boys?
whoev can pull off that look is hella tight! mehn!

in total FAMBO over the LB dude.
*heartshearts*
daYmn, that was such a hs comment!

...so yeah, IMMA LIVE IN SAN FO FOR THAT REASON ALONE.
*sizzlesizzle*
i just luffffffff how he says "san fran" though. *melt*

sorreeeeeeeeeeeeeeiii

2009-05-13T07:05:00Z

guys! sorry for the flooding sheez.

i just realized last night that my LJ is no longer linked to this blog thus i reconnected it. unfortunately, i accidentally imported uberrrrrrrr old entries as well.

PEACE!

eeg test and the meaning of being alive

2009-05-12T17:17:24Z

had my EEG test this morning in UE.
pretty fun as i had electrode wires (of diff colors) attached to my head
though the paste thingy mr. neurotech dude used to hold the wires in place suck
as i am still having trouble getting 'em all out even after bathing.
and looked a bit street wearing a makeshift bandana on my head
to hide the paste that hardened and seemed like dandruff
ewwwwww! i know. :l
but twas all good as the test itself was just chill
and i got to sleep (as i was deprived of this - 4hrs prior to my exam);
i enjoyed the lights thing they flashed at the latter part of the test too.
and yannoe what else was sooooooo coo about the EEG?
mr. neurotech dude knew i had asthma through the images he got from the machine!
i mean, how "coo" is that?!?
...so tomorrow we get the results
im not scared though i just pray it isnt anything too serious
as im not ready to go any time soon because PINKYPROMISED ID TAKE CARE OF YOU. :)

ym conversation w bro. pat this evening was entertaining
thanks to...THAT. ;)
bro is one of those people i never thought id be so comfy talking w
considering the several SD sessions we had
and my head was often floating
because of the fact that i bumped into a "old friend" while hanging out at sec walkway.

ill really miss my SD sessions w bro though. :(

thanks for all the WONDERFUL LIFE LESSONS AND SHARING SESSIONS, BRO! YOU ROCK! :)

They both said yes again, realizing how love is not a passing feeling or emotion but the very meaning of being alive. (Jacques Maritain)
In the mysterious depths of their Yes again lay their almighty hearts—bruised and battered but beating.
- fr. bro. pat's blog >> http://patricknogoysj.multiply.com/journal/item/51/Measuring_Love

...is not going to UP tomorrow because shes not feeling well.
saaaaaaaaaaad. i miss the tambs and my orgmates. :(

semenders' pandora's box

2009-05-07T21:11:09Z

joining semender to get my mind off things
to let go and sheeez
thats part of what i want to get from semender
but that isnt what has happened during the past two
because i got MORE THAN WHAT I BARGAINED FOR.
*insert p-p-poker face*

pam says,
"keep telling yourself that"
in hopes that
she will learn to BELIEVE IT TOO
and that there will no longer be an inner struggle.

"i love messing w you"
- my darlin' bff
thanks, half! youre such a friend!
i feel the love. i really do. :p

"maayos naman kasi buhay ko
until people start asking me questions."
to which i began to think myself
WHAT THE HELL?
and at the end of it all
ALL IM LEFT W ARE EVEN MORE QUESTIONS.
thanks. like i need more drama in my life.
*insert p-p-poker face*

..and ive been listening to random songs the whole night
hoping itll help but it has done nothing but make me think more.
*insert p-p-poker face*

so tell me...

i dont wanna have to say goodbye
when this night could lead to so much more
but now were standing here
and Im holding you and ITS NEVER FELT SO RIGHT
[as i told you i dont hug just anyone]
i wish this night could be endless
[but im freezing in the damn cold water]
- i dont wanna kiss you goodnight by LFO

as i lie awake

2009-05-06T18:57:54Z

the day before semender trip w ictus...

drown that frustration in eheads anthology while i wait to have sand on my toes.

eheads worked its magic. :) ll hates packing. --- an hour later... panic packing - done! :D

...best evening call:
"pammy, fix up. we're going out later w len."
my heart was jumping for joy
IMMA SEE ATE LEN TONIGHT! :D
tis been six years since i last saw my cuz.

seeing and hugging ate len for the first time in six years
one of the BEST MOMENTS of my entire summer.
though i think my nose bled from her english (and w that am accent now)
but kuya jon is still the best when speaking the foreign language!
also met lance, ate's american hubby, for the first time. :)

at marina in metrowalk
WHEN THE COUSINS WERE REUNITED
im sure nanay was v happy to see her grandchildren together that night
even if we were all drinking this time.

left the resto at around 330
got home pretty quickly
transferred pics to the laptop and charged my cam
then off to upd for my three-day vacay w my lufffleei orgmates. :)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
my summer semender in the waters of sariaya, quezon...

beach water and getting burnt in the scorching heat CLEARED MY HEAD OUT.
thanks.
i thought i was going to be bitter about it.

...
the swimming pool at night was also pretty cold
but THAT helped me think too.
no, i dont think i was drunk.
cos i said, "seryoso kayo?"
and raf is the only friend i had that night
*cos we-gon'-be-tight-like-that forev*
because i got grilled...for reasons i just laugh about now.

W SAND ON MY TOES
THE TAN LINES THAT SHOW
[as i still have those from beachwood last october]
i was bad trip...it felt sweet...then it became bitter
until i just LET MYSELF GO
and let the pacific ocean water take me away
(to neverland...maybe ill never know)
BUT EVEN THINGS YOU LOVE CAN DISAPPOINT YOU TOO
as the heat was becoming A BIT TOO EXTREME
the wind blowing sand on our face and ears
the sea water getting TOO DEEP
and the sky couldnt decide if it wanted to rain or give us a sunny day.
BUT YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE
of what you make of life, of your day
to be happy or to sulk in the corner
...when things dont go so well
then you join the bandwagon
thinking ITLL HIDE HOW YOU TRULY FEEL
AS IVE COME TO BE A TRANSPARENT DOOR
to which people have walked in and out of my life
JUST.LIKE.THAT.

dont get me wrong
semender was great
AND A LOT MORE.
for it OPENED DOORS IVE BECOME TO SCARED TO TRY OUT
took a peak of what i might find inside
SURPRISED TO SEE WHAT LAY AHEAD FOR ME.
because i havent completely let go
of the past i refuse to forget
but i cannot fully grow
if i dont setlle these issues right now.

...because in contrary,
BOOZE HELPS ME THINK
AND CLEARS MY HEAD OUT
DRAWING PICTURES FOR ME
OF THINGS I HAVE ALWAYS REFUSED TO IMAGINE
(because of reasons only a few can understand)
...AS IVE NEVER BEEN THIS S-O-B-E-R.

THANK YOU to GING and RJ for the talk. It meant A LOT. I love you both. :)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

REVERTIGO.
when you become that person again when w someone from your past.
[new you, same old habits]
...
I WANNA BE SIXTEEN AGAIN.
because ill stay sixteen forev.

--- fr. how i met your mother

sometimes when youve become close to that person you like or idolize
you come to realize you dont admire them as much as you thought you did...
CLINGING TO THAT IMAGE OF WHO THAT PERSON WAS BEFORE.

resemblance is kinda scary at times.

tis sad to be disappointed by our hereos
cos we idealized them smuch just to realize
THEY ARENT SO GREAT AFTER ALL.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

i dont know what happened; it just happened.
i tried to control it but i couldnt.
I LOVE YOU...*wink*

- eric [bobby andrews]
in wala na bang pag-ibig

i can never hate you [lipstick jungle]
but i also cant do this anymore.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

guys! WATCH AWAKE! tis one of the coolest films ive ever seen. :D
stars hayden christiansen, jessica alba and...erm, some dude p likes. :p

inspired by randomness

2009-04-26T17:18:44Z

Inspired by cher, a two-hour traditional latin mass and herbal essences’ none of your frizzness conditioner...

Do you believe
IN LOVE
AFTER LOVE?

my YM stat ynight [term borrowed from burgis emo *bellat* nomad]
DAyMN THAT MADE ME SMILE LIKE THAT ‘TIL NOW. :l

…
As reality slapped me with this:
YOU HAVE A WAY W ME. *wink*

Thought I(t) was OVER…
…
Oops!
Guess NOT.

No.
IM NOT GIVING UP.
I just
~~cant~~ WONT.

wake up call...part two?

2009-04-22T15:55:51Z

segue story
watched AMERICAN HISTORY X last monday.
one of the best films evaaaaa.
edward norton is a great actor.
i hate violence but i simply heart this movie. :)

main story
had another episode of me collapsing last night.
unfortunately, this time, i hit my head BAD. :l
as in masakit until now.

heres the story:
(as i still dunno what really caused it)

i drank water as i took my anti-anemia med. i still dunno if im anemic. okay. i really need to go see a doctor now. :)) my dad makes me take it for all my sleepless nights since i collapsed in october 2007. i dunno how to explain but twas like the water didnt go down properly...my back hurt smuch so i sat on the floor. next thing i knew, my mom and bro were all panicky because i feel on my back and HIT MY HEAD HARD. it hurt smuch i cried for a while. mom according woke up from her sleep as she heard it when my head hit the marble floor. :l according to them, i was unconscious again for a few seconds. my bro immediately got ice when i "snapped back."

...and so i slept my ice on my head last night.
and my head still hurts.
one word: OUCH. :(

so i searched the net earlier and tried to figure out what caused that incident last night.
heres what i found:

Hypoglycemia in people who do not have diabetes is far less common than once believed. However, it can occur in some people under certain conditions such as early pregnancy, prolonged fasting, and long periods of strenuous exercise. People on beta blocker medications who exercise are at higher risk of hypoglycemia, and aspirin can induce hypoglycemia in some children. Drinking alcohol can cause blood sugar to drop in some sensitive individuals, and hypoglycemia has been well documented in chronic alcoholics and binge drinkers. Eating unripe ackee fruit from Jamaica is a rare cause of low blood sugar.
http://www.diet-and-health.net/Diseases/Hypoglycemia.html

Atonic Seizures (also called Drop Attacks)
A child or adult suddenly collapses and falls. After 10 seconds to a minute he recovers, regains consciousness, and can stand and walk again.
No first aid needed (unless he hurt himself as he fell), but the child should be given a thorough medical evaluation.
http://www.epilepsyidaho.org/learn-epilepsy/seizure-chart.html

and my YM/fezbuk stat reads:
pam hit her head REAL HARD when she collapsed last night. ouch. :l is this enough WAKE UP CALL?

...
and so mom and i went to our relative whos a doctor this morning.
she told us to see an INTERNIST as this is not her specialization.
dapat tom but im kinda tamad. hahaha! :p
and dad just told i should EAT MORE because of this
and that i am NOT allowed to drink fit 'n right anymore
and i assume it also follows i WONT be allowed to WORKOUT for now
until we find out the cause for my seizures.
okay. it has only happened twice though.

so, good bye aerobic striptease
just when i was starting my exercise routine.

but waaaaaaait, THERES MORE!
guess what my dear shoti said when i told him what happened?
"kasiiiiiiii...sa kakaisip kay...*coughs*"
buti nalang talga love ko si gabriel...tsktsk!

but ILL BE FINE i keep telling myself.
cos theres still smuch to do...
for ictus, for my soon-to-be thesis
and LOTSA SOUL-SEARCHING NEEDED.

as i hit the waters of the south china sea in two weeks' time
and play in the sand JUST LIKE A LIL' KID
and DANCE IN THE MOONLIGHT UNDERNEATH THE STARRY SUMMER SKY
although without my semender dance partner
*REG!!! I MISS YOU TONS, DARLIN'!* :(

and oh,
I STAYED IN THE RAIN when twas pouring hard
i loved the feeling,
i miss THAT FEELING
so 'til the next time...
as mom almost caught me...patay ako if ev!

so until then,
when i have received a doctor's diagnosis
and a few weeks w proper medication [maybe]

THANK YOU FOR KEEPING ME SANE.

to my TWO UNGAS [a.k.a. shoti GABRIEL and camwhore-slash-parteeei bud MONSEE]: thanks for the concern. i miss you two MOST! :D gabieeeeeeeee, MATULOG KA NA! SI BATMAN NA BAHALA SA LAHAT. ;) and no, i dont have amnesia! ll monZ, gaaaaawd. i really miss talking to u! pagod na YOU kasi from training so i cant bug u smuch na. [gusto mo na ba akong patayin sa language na un? ndi pde, la kang kasama sa emba!]

to BRO [camwhore more! gaaaawd, how fun it must be if we vacay-ed around the US w pbk, huh? baboyzzzz mehn! miss u, sexy!]

to JIGGY, ANDS, VENNI, MARC, SETH, NIC, : thanks for the concern. :) if i ev havta get a CT scan, im sure theyll see my head is not screwed on properly...my thoughts about *coughs*coughs*coughs* ...and a gaz other things floating around...may EHEADS, FRANCIS M...nick carter?!? =))

CONGRATS to JE [aka PARE to me and JerKing to ICTUS] and Raf [aka my nigga boss] for being the newest aRneo law students for SY 09to10! :D

as i realized that...

2009-04-18T17:16:36Z

Others STUTTER
while I START TALKING NONSTOP
or become SPEECHLESS
like that Sugarhouse moment.
...
Extremes much?

Hehe.
The effects my crushes have on me. :p

before i go to sleep...

2009-04-16T17:58:46Z

# boys are also as fickle minded as we are...were just more verbal about it. :p

# maceeeeeeeee [macy kiocho] is soooooo funny! AND DEFENSIVE. i love u, maceeeeeeeeee! :-*

# my tummy hurts :( ...big time! i thought i was hungry but i ate two packs of crackers...and taken pepto but it still hurts. no i cant tell mom or dad...i might get another lecture about my so-called diet sheez [which i broke more than a month ago]. ...but it still hurts. dang!

# will lunch in ewood tom w monsee, yen, venni and gab AGAIN. yen is the newbie. we should have a group name...since we always go out together. ;) ...oh! it is to vid bela for perci's tribute. ...because monsee and i wouldnt go all the way to ewood to have lunch. why? cos were effin broke! =)) and were not just poor but...PULUBI POOR.

# monsee will be celebrating her burdei on sat...as an ULILANG UNGAS...who is also a PULUBI. happy twenteen, camwhore and parteeei bud!

# ...and oh, gabriel is also an ungas. why so? thats our little secret...me and another person...because even gabieee DOESNT KNOW WHY. poor, sweety.

# new semender plans: quezon or pangasinan. ...and i want pangasinan because i want those lsm boys to also visit us. ill miss those KULETS.

# i dunno what to wear tomorrow. i wanna wear shorts...i have lots of 'em! but my 'rents dont allow me to go to school in shorts.

# ...okay. MY TUMMY STILL HURTS BUT I'M HITTING THE SACK.

three developments

2009-04-14T18:26:53Z

ONE.
addicted to keri hilson's new song.
HEY GIRL (PATRON TEQUILA).
go figure what caught my attention 'nuff for me to search for it online. ;)
been listening to it since this aft.
despite the (how do i say this nicely?) not-so-nice lyrics. :p
"I'M ON PATRON TEQUILA I'M DRUNK OFF MARGARITAS"
margarita IS my fave cocktail after all. ;)

TWO.
i don't have diabetes.
in fact, i am HYPOGLYCEMIC! :)
fantastic!
now mom is bugging me about not drinking soda.
hello! i've been doing that for years, meHn!
then dad joins the homily sheez
about not eating properly.
have u not seen me eat lately? i haven't followed my "no rice and meat for dinner weeks ago!*
BUT THE SUGAR RUSH I NEED IS NOT EDIBLE. :p
as i say, "welcome back home." hahaha!

THREE.
ysa is home
and we're fixing the semender details.
BATANGAS, HERE WE COMEEEEEE!!! :D
going on a road trip w her this sunday to check out the resorts. ;)
tis stressful planning something like this
hope the outcome will be worth it all this. :l
...just like PBK IN BAGUIO w the FAG and MR. MOGU in all his yellow bitterness. :D

a present fr. the easter bunny

2009-04-12T19:25:42Z

Started real nice...
W A TEXT MESSAGE FROM MY DEAREST SHOTI. :)
[thanks, sweety. u were my first "happy easter" as well as "happy new year" greeting...yannoe that?]

Day went by...
as normal as ever...

and then I received my SPECIAL PRESENT TODAY.
...a simple email...about a v important thing (for me at least).
sorry. cant share this as of now...in the days to come, maybe. ;)

...continued to a YM conversation...
that only pieee and my 'rents can understand right now.
...and me sending several emails about an event.

...SEE THAT TWINKLE IN MY EYES?
as for the first time it isn't because of
1) I just TALKED w MY CRUSH, or
2) HE IS HOME (or rather due back tomorrow...erm, later?), or
*okay. i meant this as A JOKE. to whoev will figure out
the person i am pertaining to...HUSH! again, A JOKE. har, i say.]
3) I am dinner-ing w my PBK gurlies tomorrow, or
4) ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
as it isn't.

...because I have accomplished part of what I am MEANT TO DO. :D

...it isnt much.
In fact, nothing at all is final as of YET.
But KUYA JESS told me to HAVE FAITH
and in my kindergarten days I learned to HOLD ON.

So for the FUTURE AHEAD,
WE MUST TOAST TO THAT! :D
[pieee! i told u we gotta drink soon! hahaha!] :p

to Shoti Gabieee :) i call it "invasion of privacy," you reading my ym conversation w "lou". :p hahaha! she's adorable, gabriel. take good care of her [as she has been the one looking after ahya lately i hear]. :p ...your text message last night made me smile. twas the last thing i read before i slept. thanks, sweety. that's why achi loves her shoti! :) BE GOOD. ;)

to Pieee :) two words: SMALL WORLD. gaaaaaaawd, i cannot believe tis been THAT long. i still laugh when i remember all the "sneaky stuff" we've done because of *COUGHS*. there's hope; let's hold on to that. remember what dana said? "NEVER LET GO." :) and oh, you gotta TAKE RISKS if you wanna feel that ADRENALINE RUSH of BEING COMPLETELY HAPPY. :) love you, pieee! see u soon, ayt?

and to THAT PERSON WHO MADE MY EASTER...simply...GREAT. :)

sablay hirit = :(

2009-04-09T18:29:47Z

Kasiiiiiii...
Kasi Pam...
The hirits never stop.
You should know where to draw the line...
Look what happened...

...
the one thing you were avoiding
that person to feel
you yourself made himself feel.

...
SORRY, SHOTI.
MY FAULT...
IT IS.
BIG TIME.

...
Now I owe you ONE.
A BIG ONE.

BAD ACHI. :(